Advice to a young man I know.

“Yes, I know you are a fully functioning adult – capable of making your own decisions (for the most part) and your own mistakes. But we both also know that your ability to read ‘social cues’ is ever so slightly left of the norm. Agreed? So I want you to take these condoms (great, I’m glad you have some – take some more: just in case) and take this advice. It’s not from me, your mother – it’s from me; a sexuality educator for nearly half your life, and it’s the advice I give all the young men I work with.
*No form of contraception is infallible – if she says she’s on the pill that’s wonderful; but at first you both need to be prepared to use a condom as well – every single time.
* The sex you will have seen in porn is not the sex you share with your new girlfriend. She will let you know if she wants more or harder or in the ass. Meantime just assume that basic vanilla sex is a good starting point – until she asks, out loud, with her voice, for more.
*Her body may not be the body you have been led to expect – not all breasts are huge and perky and perfectly symmetrical. Vulvas vary in an infinite number of ways and may or may not have a covering of hair – get over it: it’s normal.
*She may be more, or less, or as equally experienced as you. Great sex involves conversations and laughs and funny noises and probably a bit of a mess. Enjoy getting to know each other in every way. Have fun doing lots of things together – outside the bedroom as well.

I’m your mum, I don’t want or need to know ANY details of your sex life. But know there are people and places you can go to (no, not PornHub) if you need advice or information.

Love mum xx

Sexuality educator with over 10 years experience. Based in Melbourne, Australia I specialise in tailor-made programs for schools and specialist schools as well as Body Safety and Awareness programs for younger children (ages 3-12). HUSHeduction are LGBTIQ (SSAAGD) welcoming and work with young people of all faiths and abilities.

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